Burn Before Blogging

Quote of the Day: 08.19.17

So today’s quote is from Glee. Everyone’s favorite mess of an early 2000s show. I guess it’s technically not early 2000s. Maybe like 2009ish? I’m not dedicated enough to figure out what year it actually premiered. I do remember being in my sophomore year of high school and Glee was on at 9 at night. In my youthful life, I thought that was wildly past my bedtime. Look at how far I’ve come. 

As I’m writing this, I’m watching Colossal. The Anne Hathaway movie that not enough people saw. Let’s talk for a second about why people hated Anne Hathaway. Like how did she go from the lovable princess in training to America’s least favorite actress? Was it really because she wanted it badly and wasn’t shy away from that? (By “it” I mean success as an actress.)

Is anyone really shocked that America could turn on a woman for wanting something too badly? On the flip side of the coin, America hates Kristen Stewart for being too blasé about it. But Casey Affleck is out there being accused of sexual assault and is the “cool guy” because he’s just the kid brother of Ben Affleck who just wants to act and not draw attention to himself. Casey Affleck’s allowed to look dishelved at award shows and feel indifferent to those awards and that makes him cool. Kristen Stewart acts the same and the public turns on her. It’s almost like there are double standards when it comes to men and women. Insaneeeeeeee.

How does that relate to Glee? The show about celebrating each other’s differences? Well, just at the treatment of Rachel Berry and the pedestal Kurt Hummel was put on.

In other news, watch Colossal and let Anne Hathaway back into your heart.

Quote of the Day: 08.18.17

So, I know just yesterday I said that I was going to attempt to center my quotes better, but I clearly didn’t follow through with that. I just truly put off doing this quote until it was late and I had laundry to fold and I was sleepy. Maybe tomorrow?

(Listen, I know my clock only says like 10:11, but I am a grandma.)

The thing is, I don’t even know why I was so tired today. Maybe it’s because I haven’t really been sleeping well. I keep having weird dreams and that in itself is weird. I tend to not really have dreams that I can remember, but this week I’ve had a whole bunch. One dream was me just on a date with Alison Brie. Nothing monumental happened. We just had dinner and talked. It was just a really nice date and I remember waking up feeling very calm. This fake dream date with Alison Brie was the nicest date I’ve ever been on. None of the other dreams have been as calming. Most of them have been apocalyptic survival dreams, so let’s hope that’s not prophetic in any way.

Today’s quote comes from a Brian Dales song. He’s the lead singer of The Summer Set, he sings on his own now, blah blah blah. Even if you’ve never actually heard a song of his, if you’ve read this blog, you’ve seen his name before. Anyway, he had a show last night and because I am dedicated to actually sticking to my budget, I couldn’t go. You hear that, Mom? I am sticking to that stupid budget.

In unrelated news, if anyone just wants to give me a bunch of money with no strings attached, let me know. If not, you can catch me at the library. I am now a member of multiple LA County libraries.

(Also, in case you’re wondering, I did not celebrate the tenth anniversary of High School Musical 2 because it’s not the best High School Musical. Those are the scientific facts. I fully intend to celebrate the anniversary of High School Musical 3.)

Quote of the Day: 08.17.17

We’re gonna get real sincere for today’s Quote of the Day.

Way, way, way back in 2009, a song called Tik Tok came into our lives. I remember iTunes giving away the music video for free and I remember watching it thinking, who is this girl? That girl was Ke$ha. You knew that though. Everybody loves Tik Tok. It’s a great dance song and it’s just plain fun. I think that’s probably the best way to talk about Ke$ha’s music. It’s just fun.

(Also, when did she lose the $ in her name??)

She put out Animal in 2010 and Warrior in 2012. Both of them did fairly well I think. I’m not super motivated to actually look up how well they actually sold, but there were a good few years you couldn’t escape her music on the radio.

In 2013, Kesha got involved in a sexual assault legal battle with her longtime producer, Dr. Luke. She sued based on sexual assault, battery, and emotional abuse, and other allegations. Kesha also wanted to be freed from her contract with Dr. Luke, but the court ruled she had to stay in the contract. Which means that any success Kesha gets from her new album is still linked back to him. Her abuser is getting paid for her success. And you wonder why women don’t report their harassment.

Despite all of this, her new album is triumphant. It’s strong and powerful and still so fun. There’s a song on there that’s weirdly heartfelt about dating Godzilla?? But it’s also just so charming?? Her duet with Dolly Parton is sweet and amazing and I’m so happy Dolly is there. Also, the song, Finding You, is super sweet and just a good love song. Don’t get me started on Woman. It’s my new go-to pre-job interview get psyched song.

But the songs where she talks about moving forward from the horrors of her time with Dr. Luke are the ones where she really shines. Just take her first single, Praying. It’s all about overcoming the abuse and finding hope at the end of the tunnel. She says the reason her album is called Rainbow is because after the storm there’s a rainbow. There’s a rainbow alright and it’s bright. Kesha, I’m rooting for ya.

(Also, shoutout to my aunt for teaching me a tip on how to center things on the letterboard. I’m not ignoring your advice, I had already done this before I got your text and my laziness won out over my need to make these posts aesthetically pleasing. Stay tuned for my attempt tomorrow.)

Quote of the Day: 08.16.17

It was only yesterday when my mother called me and told me to stop swearing so much on this website. How do I react to that? By putting a swear word in my quote of the day. But hey, at least I censored myself. I get that I’m supposed to be aware of my internet presence because I’m trying to be a competent member of the workforce, but it’s so hardddddddd.

In other news, if anyone has any suggestions as to how to get better at centering my quotes on the letterboard, I’d be glad to hear them. Don’t say anything ridiculous like, “Just eyeball it” because that’s what I’ve been doing and I think it looks great until I see the picture on the blog. I was not gifted in the spacial awareness department.

The quote of the day comes from The Bold Type. I’ve talked about this show before and if you’re not watching it, get on board. It’s the bubblegum fun summer show you should be watching. Let’s face it. The end of the world is imminent and you should spend it laughing.

I spent yesterday helping a friend move and it honestly made me want to become a minimalist nomad. How long did that nomadic feeling last? Maybe an hour. I spent the rest of the night last night decorating my apartment to make it look less abysmal. With things I already own, Mother, put the phone down. Let’s face it, empty, bland walls are sad. (Yes, Elyse, that was directed at you. I know you still haven’t decorated your new room.)

My apartment now has a hanging framed picture of Cate Blanchett in the kitchen, so yes, all the cool parties are happening at my apartment. Also, as someone who has a framed photo of Cate Blanchett in my kitchen, you’d think I’d be able to spell her last name correctly on the first try.

Quote of the Day: 08.15.17

My mother thanked me for using the letterboard yesterday because it was easier for her to read. Which, I think, was a subtle dig at my handwriting. So, I wasn’t planning on changing the letterboard sign that soon, but I felt guilted into it by my mother. I mean, she reads so much nonsense for me and puts up with me, so the absolute least I could do would be change the letterboard sign. I’m basically a martyr.

Before we get into where the quote comes from today, I’m genuinely asking for advice. Does anyone know how to hang things up on the wall without causing damage to the wall? Are command strips the best way to go for frames and stuff? What about flags?

I’m really just posing the question here knowing that my parents will read it and answer it for me so I don’t have to call them for like the tenth time in two days. I’m doing great, guys, don’t even worry about me.

It’s been a while since I’ve talked endlessly about the 80s, so why not bring it back on this fine Tuesday? Oh, what’s that? No one likes the 80s? You may be right about that, but I certainly do not care. I literally went to college for customer service and look at me now. After I just asked for advice. I’m the poster child of indifference when it comes to you, the reader, and your dislike of 80s music.

Today’s quote comes from John Fogerty’s song Centerfield. I was like 90% sure that’s where the quote came from, but I wasn’t sure, so I Googled it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or if I’m becoming more illiterate as the years go by, but I read the title of the song as Centerfold. Like the J. Geils Band song. I then spent a good five minutes going over the lyrics to that song in my head trying to figure out when they say “Put me in coach I’m ready to play.” Spoiler! I just can’t read.

But! If, unlike me, you can read, you should read this totally cool book I heard about called Burn Before Reading. As a third party viewer with absolutely no personal gain in the matter, you really should buy the book to help the author afford a bed frame. Sadly, a bed frame is not in her budget. How do I know all of this about the author? I am the author. Wow! What a convoluted, unnecessary Christopher Nolan Inception-type plot twist. I can 100% promise more of those twists in my book.*



* There are no Christopher Nolan-esque plot twists in this book.

Time is Fake, But Love Isn’t

Listen. I am not a closet romantic. I love love. I love Valentine’s Day. I love it all. I don’t trust people that think romantic comedies hold no cinematic merit. Y’all are fools.

So, since this blog didn’t exist around Valentine’s Day and because I’m too impatient to wait until it comes back around, I’m going to make a list of my favorite romantic comedies. You heard it here first, August 14th is the new February 14th.

The 10 Best Romantic Comedies

(In No Particular Order and Subject to Change)

  1. Sleepless in Seattle – I get how somebody watching this could be like, she fell in love just because of some dude’s voice on the radio that’s unrealistic. I’m here to tell you that I understand one hundred percent why Meg Ryan does what she does. Listen, love just hits ya sometimes. And sometimes you gotta low key stalk a dude all the way across the country.
    • Favorite Quote: “It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together.”
  2. Sleeping With Other People – Two movies in a row about sleep. What’re the odds? Anyway, this one’s not as famous as the first one. It premiered at Sundance a few years ago and is about Jake and Lainey. They met in college and lost their virginities to each other, but lost touch after college. The two meet again years later after many failed relationships and agree to help each other fix the things that have caused their relationships to fail. Of course, they start to like each other, but the timing never quite seems to be on their side. I’m not ruining this movie for you because it really is a gem you should go watch it.
    • Favorite Quote: “I love you for free, Lainey.”
  3. The Edge of Seventeen – This one is one I saw at TIFF last year on a whim because I really wanted to make sure I saw something in the massive Roy Thompson Hall theatre. It’s about Nadine and her best friend, Krista, who have been ride or die since elementary school. Nadine’s world ends when Krista starts dating Nadine’s older brother. High school, amiright? Nadine starts hanging out with Erwin who is the best, most charismatic male lead of all time. Plus, Woody Harrelson as the bored high school history teacher. What more do you want??
    • Favorite Quote: “There are two types of people in the world: The people who naturally excel at life. And the people who hope all those people die in a big explosion.”
  4. Obvious Child – You can fight me, but there is genuinely nothing more romantic than the moment in this movie where the two leads are at dinner and the guy warms the girl’s butter. That’s not a euphemism. The waiter drops off bread and butter and he grabs a packet of butter and warms it up in his hands for her so that it’s spreadable on the bread. That is true love and you can’t convince me otherwise. This movie does center around a woman deciding whether or not she should get an abortion which is not the most romantic premise in the world, but trust me. It’s charming as hell.
    •  Favorite Quote: “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m kind of in an emotional crisis right now.”
  5. Moonlight – (Listen, I know this technically isn’t a comedy, but it’s also one of the most romantic movies I’ve ever seen, so I’m letting it slide.) If you haven’t seen Moonlight, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN YOUR LIFE? Seriously. This deserved every Oscar it got and more. Truly. It’s about a boy named Chiron growing up in Miami with a drug addict mother. You watch Chiron grow up and fall in love with his classmate, Kevin. It’s the most beautiful, heartbreaking movie I’ve ever seen. Like that’s love. The entire diner scene. Oh my god. That’s art. That’s a love story.
    • Favorite Quote: “Yeah. We here, Chiron.”
  6. Moonrise Kingdom – My dream Halloween costume is the scout’s costume in this movie. However, I don’t really like Halloween and I certainly don’t want to put in the effort to make a homemade Halloween costume, so it’s safe to say I’ll probably die before I wear this costume. The movie’s about these two kids that run away together because they’re young and in love. It’s then up to these bumbling adults to try and track down where the kids have gone to. The movie’s very sweet and filled with the usual Wes Anderson charm.
    • Favorite Quote: “I think you’ve still got lightning in you.”
  7. Grease 2 – It is a truth universally acknowledged that anyone with a brain knows that Grease can’t hold a candle to Grease 2. Them’s the facts and you better get on the train. If you haven’t seen this movie because you’re a fool, it’s basically the reverse of Grease where the new boy wants to impress the cool girl. There is no girl in cinematic history cooler than Michelle Pfieffer. The songs are better in the sequel, too. My favorite’s either Do It For Our Country or Cool Rider. Danny Zuko who??
    • Favorite Quote: “We’re going to die and I’m wearing my mother’s underwear!”
  8. She’s All That – I know I said I wasn’t picking favorites, but this is definitely consistently in my top ten favorite movies of all time. It’s so dumb and it’s been remade a thousand times, but I just love it so much. The movie’s about Laney who is a quiet, artistic girl that works at a falafel shop. (The falafel’s not relevant, but I’m picturing the hat she has to wear and I’m laughing hysterically alone in my apartment.) Zach, the super popular recently dumped all star quarterback, makes a bet that he can make any girl into a prom queen. His friends pick Laney and Zach ends up actually falling in love with Laney because once she takes her glasses off, she’s a total babe. That was the moral of the story, right? (I will say, Not Another Teen Movie’s parody of Laney’s painting scene is a masterpiece.)
    • Favorite Quote: “I could win this thing in fluorescent lighting, on the first day of my period, cloaked in T.J. Maxx.”
  9. She’s the Man – Early 2000s Amanda Bynes was unstoppable. Between this and What a Girl Wants, Amanda Bynes could not make a bad movie. This movie is why I tolerated learning about Shakespeare in high school. If you somehow escaped the early 2000s without seeing this movie, it’s a modern retelling of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. Viola, Amanda Bynes, loves soccer and her school cuts the girls’ team. Her twin brother Sebastian wants to go to London to pursue music, so he asks Viola to cover for him at his new school. Viola takes that as a chance to impersonate Sebastian, try out for the soccer team, and beat her old school’s boys’ soccer team in their yearly rivalry match. You go, girl.
    • Favorite Quote: “So, uh, do you… like cheese?”
  10. The Princess Bride – Y’all really thought I could make a list without including the greatest cross genre film of all time? Y’all really thought?? Anyway, if you’re somehow old enough to visit this blog, but you haven’t seen this movie, get off this trash blog and find a copy of this masterpiece.
    • Favorite Quote: “As you wish.”


Honorable Mention

  1. The Little Death – I can’t let this list go without one of my favorite scenes. The movie itself I remember being okay, but this scene I remember wishing to go on forever. The movie’s on Netflix, so go to the mark with 23:50 left and watch until the screen goes black. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen the rest of the movie because it’s a Love, Actually style movie where the storylines are all pretty separate. If you don’t want to pull it up on Netflix, and I feel like no one will, I’ll give you the run down. Basically, this girl, Monica, works as an interpreter for deaf people. People Skype call her and give her a phone number to call, she then calls the number and relays the information in sign language to the caller on Skype. This guy, Sam, calls in and signs the phone number for a phone sex line. What happens next is an utter mess. There’s a massive delay from all the translating and Monica feels awkward about signing all the things the lady on the phone sex line is saying. Through the mishaps, her and Sam end up being more interested in each other and he tells her the hang up on the sex line. It’s wildest meet cute I’ve ever seen and it is so unexpectedly gosh darned cute.

Quote of the Day: 08.14.17

Whew, after eight days of timely posts, I’m sure you all have been waiting anxiously for today’s very late installment of the Quote of the Day. Listen, it’s barely afternoon over here on the west coast, so while y’all are having dinner over on the east coast, I’m just finishing up my afternoon snack. For all you wondering, my snack was a banana. You see that, Mom & Dad? I eat healthy snacks.

I also had two mini York Peppermint Patties, but whatever.

Did you guys miss me? Are you ready to hear all about my internship experience? Well, I’m not gonna tell you too much because I don’t believe in oversharing on the internet unless it’s about my crying habits. I will say that I got to meet the woman who wrote on Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23 and it was incredible. Also, if you watch the episode of The Late Late Show with James Corden that had Aubrey Plaza, Chris O’Dowd, and Jeremy Renner, you can see me get a high five from James Corden at the very end of the show. Plus, if you’ve always wondered what I laugh like, you can hear my laughter in what I think will be the second episode of the new CBS show, 9JKL.

Anyway. Let’s refocus. Today’s quote not only comes from my new letterboard that I’m obsessed with, but also my new apartment. I guess technically some of the other posts were written here, but I’m like officially moved in. It was weird to move into this apartment and then move into a dorm at UCLA for the internship after only being here for like three days.

The quote is from a poem by Nikita Gill who I’m pretty I’ve talked about on this blog before. She’s a Tumblr famous poet and I follow her Instagram.

I’ll leave you all with this advice; go listen to Kesha’s new album. It is so, so good. Her duet with Dolly Parton is a dream. After all the absolute nonsense Kesha was put through, this album is most certainly, undisputedly a triumph.

Quote of the Day: 08.13.17

Today is the last day of my internship. Yay!!! I hope at least. I feel like I’m writing weird letters to my future self in my metaphorical lunch box like “Have a great day at school, sweetie” or “Make friends” or “Network with executives.” I don’t know. Let’s just cross our fingers that I did something productive these past few days.

Today’s quote comes from Mary Oliver’s poem, The Summer Day. For someone that claims I don’t like poetry, I sure quote it a lot.

I’m getting slightly delirious since it’s now closer to 2 A.M. on the same night I wrote the last post about Glee and yes, I’m still watching Glee. They’re singing Blow Me (One Last Kiss) and I’m into it. My phone’s on 1% battery, but I’m trying to download it right now. Every Marley and Unique duet changes my life for the best.

One time, I tweeted that sometimes, in my darkest hours, I think the Glee version of a song is better than the original and I instantly lost two followers. (If you’re not following me on Twitter, you’re missing out.)

What else can I talk about besides Glee at 2 A.M.? I have no one here to ask because I now live alone. This is both a blessing and a curse. However, I live two blocks from a neon museum and across the street from an In-n-Out, so I’m going to say it’s mostly a blessing.

That’s all I’ve got today. I’m going to go to sleep because I am an adult who knows when it’s time to stop watching Glee and go to bed. Albeit a couple hours late, but we got there in the end. See ya tomorrow in real time. No more blasts from the past.

Quote of the Day: 08.12.17

Today’s quote comes from The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan. Listen, while all you kids were reading Harry Potter, I was reading Percy Jackson. Even as a youngster, I was a little hipster shit. Couldn’t be bothered with the mainstream, I had to read the slightly obscure, less popular series. People don’t really change all that much.

Guys, my internship is almost over. Can you believe it? Just today and tomorrow and then it’s back to our regular scheduled programming. So, not much will change except the words I write will be a little more relevant to the actual day. Actually, no. That seems like such a bold promise and I really like when your expectations are low.

Right now, I’m watching Glee because it’s one A.M. and sometimes I just get sucked back into this nonsense. Since I am the supreme dictator of this blog I’m going to talk about my favorite Glee characters:

  1. Quinn Fabray – No one should be shocked that my girl Quinn is at the top of the list. She is the love of my life and has done absolutely nothing wrong in her entire life and anyone who says otherwise can get out of my sight.
  2. Marley Rose – What did Melissa Benoist do to the costume designer? Something bad must’ve happened because otherwise, I can’t fathom why anyone would put her in such tragic newsboy hats for two seasons. Exhibit A. Although, whoever was in charge of her hair for the Grease episode can have my first born.
  3. Rachel Berry – Light of my life. Nothing more needs to be said.
  4. Santana Lopez – This is the single greatest scene in all of television history.
  5. Emma Pillsbury – Girl, I am so sorry you got saddled with Mr. Schue. You didn’t deserve that, sweetie.
  6. Unique Adams – The Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend/Material Girl mashup saves my life on a daily basis.
  7. Sam Evans – Listen. I love my lil dude bro. My lil stripper. My lil George W. Bush impersonator. My lil macaroni artist. I just love him.

Honorable Mentions go to: Mercedes Jones, Burt Hummel, and Jake Puckerman. Y’all deserved more storylines.

But listen. It’s gonna be the year 2045 and the Glee version of Don’t Stop Believin’ is going to start playing out of whatever musical device we have in the future and I will cry. Them’s just the cold, hard facts.

Quote of the Day: 08.11.17

Despite reading a lot growing and as an adult and working in a bookstore, I have never read anything by Neil Gaiman. I have lied a few times at work about having read Neil Gaiman, but I feel like it was a little white lie because I’ve seen like two episodes of American Gods, so that’s gotta count for something. Doesn’t matter. I don’t work there anymore and no one wanted to hear my feminist book recommendations, so it’s for the best.

I guess Neil wrote this in celebration of the New Year a few years ago and I’d just like to go on record and say that I have mixed feelings about New Year’s as a holiday. I also have mixed feelings about the New Year’s Eve movie, but that’s another can of worms we don’t need to open tonight. Although, I’m gonna regret this if I don’t say anything, but Michelle Pfeiffer can still get it. Okay, moving on.

New Year’s is fun because of the noise makers and the dumb party hats and that whole kinda vibe of saying ‘fuck it’ to life. Not in a bad way. In a like follow your dreams against all the odds way. I don’t like the holiday because I’m not big into resolutions. Yeah, there’s some things I should probably change in my life, but I’m not going to let something as trivial and fake as the passing of time be the thing that inspires change. Time is fake so just stay up late with your friends, drink a little too much, and go for it. You don’t have to wait until New Year’s to do that.